Saturday, October 8, 2011

The Abyss

When I was in high school I spent a lot of time in the theatre. For us the theatre was a "cafe-torium." In the back of the cafe-torium, above the kitchen, was an area sometimes used for storage we liked to call the Abyss. It was very dark, and kinda scary back there. As kids, we would dare each other to climb back there. I did once.

As an adult I am no longer afraid of scary geographical places, no matter the location. Been there, done that. However, there are still dark and scary places in my life that I don't like to go to very often. Emotional places, personal places. I'm fighting off a journey into the Abyss.

I have wonderful news. A blessing in my life. We are going to have another baby. And at 44 I am actually looking forward to expanding my family and all of the joy that comes with another family member in my life. I really am. That's what is so weird about how I am feeling otherwise.

God is working on me. He is killing off the old man so that he can build a new one. One that will lead his ever-expanding family into the unknown to come, another abyss of sorts. That process of killing off the old is difficult and painful. And while I trust my Father in Heaven, that trust does not make the process any easier to bear.

Of course this is not the first time I've stood upon the precipice of the abyss and looked down. The good news is that I am fighting it less in my mature age, and I know that the results will be worth the trials. God is ever faithful to me, I wish I was able to return His commitment.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Getting My Attention

God got a hold of me this week. He got my attention... big time. Not in a bad way, but in a way I'm not ready to share yet. I am lucky. God loves me enough to pursue me, chase me down if he has to.

I also saw an AMAZING concert Friday night. Josh Garrels, my favorite artist, played at a very cool old theatre in Encinitas. It was also fun to hang out with many of the folks from The Roots Church.

I haven't written in a long time. I have a feeling that is about to change.

Still I get hard pressed on every side
Between the rock and a compromise
Like the truth and pack of lies fightin’ for my soul
And I’ve got no place left go
Cause I got changed by what I’ve been shown
More glory than the world has known
Keeps me ramblin’ on

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Moving Day(s)

We moved in to our new house yesterday and spent our first night here last night. What an amazing feeling. I am so thankful. I got the call that we had recorded as I was driving the packed moving van over to the new house. Close call. God provided lots of helpers, and lots of prayer yesterday. I wish I could say that we were "all moved in," but there will be more moving of stuff today, and we may not be "moved in" for months. This has been a 3 year process; and we have moved 3 times in those 3 years. But now we are settled, rooted, and I hope that I NEVER have to move again.

Thursday, July 29, 2010


There is no doubt that making transitions is not just difficult in the classroom, but even more difficult in real life. We are in the last hours of a house purchase that has taken 3 years. The seconds tick away like hours; the hours like weeks. Whereas we should be excited about the changes, my wife, the kids, and I are simply stressed out. Good things are happening, but our anticipation of the happenings is wrecking us. So hard to submit when we're so close to the close. But in a few days, God willing, we will be moving and all the current pressure will be replaced by new pressures. God has blessed us in amazing ways through this process. He has provided for us financially, and given us the time we have required to make this transition appropriately for our family. I want so badly to grab control now and cross the finish line with MY foot on the gas pedal. Relax. Deep cleansing breaths. Ahh....

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Summer Update

Summer school ends tomorrow. I'm so thankful that it will be over. Teaching summer school once a decade is enough. Still, it was a good experience in many ways. First, I was forced out of my comfort zone teaching a subject I barely remember to a population of students I rarely see on campus. I was forced to work harder than I have worked in a very long time, and that is a very good thing indeed. I reminded myself that I am a competent and dynamic teacher, but not perfect. It's impossible to meet all the needs of any group of students in 11-12 days; but we made some progress. With any luck a few of the students made some progress towards their goal of passing the CAHSEE.

Teaching summer school also gave me something to do while I waited for the house we are trying to purchase to close escrow (it still hasn't closed as of this writing). Without teaching to occupy my time I can only imagine the trouble I could have created for myself. Now I have three weeks until school starts back up again. Plenty of time to pack and move (I hope.)

But first I drive out to Phoenix tomorrow to pick up my daughter who has been staying with my brother and sister in-law for a few weeks. It was 108 here today, and 116 in Phoenix. Should be a fun car trip.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Summer School

Yes, I am teaching summer school for the first time in a decade. CAHSEE (California High School Exit Exam) ELA (English Language Arts) Review. I have 31 students and 13 IEPs (Individualized Education Plan). The good news is that I also have a full-time aid who is AWESOME (no acronym). I completely underestimated the amount of prep I needed to teach the 4:20 daily course that spans 11 days. So the first few days were rocky. Very rocky. But things are better now. I am enjoying this very different population of students from those who take the multimedia courses. And it's good to be polishing up on my English skills.